**This post has come out a bit more “back to school blues” than intended.  If you are not a mother, you may not understand.  I assure you the usual snarky tone of the blog will return soon.  I was just thinking that I am probably not the only mom who feels this way this week.  So, no judgment please. 

Back to school is always a bitter sweet event.  I remember this being the case as a child and it has remained as a parent.

The sweet –

• New Beginnings
• New Friends
• Knowledge
• Challenge
• More “me” time….for mom

The bitter –

• One year older…the boys, not me….I am fine with another year (for now, anyway)
• More responsibility
• The unknown
• The unknown
• The anticipation of the unknown

The first full week of school this year has been dramatically different than the ones in the past.  We now have two boys at two different schools with two different schedules.  We have restructured our days and our schedules to accommodate and it has surprised me how easy the physical adjustment has been….the emotional adjustment, not so much.

I look around at the first drop off not sure yet what to expect every morning.  I see so many new faces, a new building, a new teacher.  Then off to the second drop off.  I am reminded of the security of familiar faces, a building that we have had so many memories in, and teachers that feel like family.  I spend most of the day feeling a little lost without two little guys saying, “momma look at this”, “hey mom….I’m…..hungry, tired, bored, excited”, “look at what I built…drew…made”.  In a way, I have looked forward to this day for quite a while, on the other hand I feel a little lost.  I have so many things I want to do, but the challenge of deciding the best way to spend this in between time is proving to be more difficult than expected.

I think about my mom a lot these days.  I wonder what she did during this time.  As a kid, I never really considered what she was doing.  She worked some.  But I often wonder, was she happy, did she spend time alone or with friends, how did she prioritize.  I teared up yesterday when I saw this clip of Elizabeth Gilbert.  She talks about the challenge women of today have by having too many options.  That is where I am.  I feel guilty that I have so many choices of how to spend my time that I am wasting time worrying about it.  This seems like such a “bratty” thing to say, but that is where I am today.  

***Addendum***

I wrote this yesterday and ran off to pick up the kids before I published it…oops.  Anyway, I picked them up and we spent the entire afternoon at the Science Museum and then we sat outside of the museum and had a little snack picnic and talked about everything that had happened that day at school, at the museum and then we talked about the next day….our first day of gymnastics and Wolf Night!!!  This is where I need to be!!!!  It was perfect.

***Addendum 2***

We were so tired both the boys through a huge fit in front of all of the neighbors when it was dinner time.  Priceless!!!

To a new day!!!!