Monthly Archives: November 2011
Infinite Thanksgiving
Seven years ago today I sat staring out the window thinking that I would never have a baby. We had been through months of infertility and I was losing my mind on Clomid. Fast forward…..two days later, Thanksgiving. I found out I would be a mom. That was a day of infinite thanksgiving. Ten months later, Big Guy was born and 16 months after that, Little Guy. Thanksgiving marks for me what I am most thankful for…..my sweet boys.
So, why this year, am I feeling more like the old Smashing Pumpkins album, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Saddness? Thoughts of my mom and my family that haunt me when I am awake and while I am sleeping. This is year 3 of holidays since mom died and the world keeps spinning, but I feel very stuck. Stuck in grief and “what if’s”. It is so easy to fantasize of how great the holidays would be, “if only……” My boys, all three of them, are so excited about all of our plans. The lights, the decorating, the tree, the food. The boys really believe it will snow this year. Bless their hearts. We have had snow three of the past six Christmas’ here in Oklahoma. That is about how many we had during my entire childhood and they are predicting a very dry winter.
This season of infinite saddness will end, I know it will. Infinite Thanksgiving will return. Until then….
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
–Maya Angelou
You Want to Discuss Religion….I am not afraid!
My educational background is in Religion. Â I came to this in a fairly roundabout way, but all and all, it has become my passion. Â I have a ridiculous collection of books….everything from classic theologians to much more modern ways of viewing the church and specifically mission. Â I run not to music but to religious dialogue.
I have chosen not to focus on this part of my life here at R&TM. Â I created this blog to be a place of peace and inspiration and here in Oklahoma….seemingly the Buckle of the Bible Belt….religion is not necessarily a topic of peace and inspiration especially when you “lean left” as I have often been accused of doing. Â Religious dialogue will not become to focus of R&TM, but I am going to be more intentional about drawing attention to some really spectacular dialogue that is taking place. Â In the process you will probably notice more theological terms and ideas laid out and discussed.
Why the change?, you might ask. Â The answer is complicated but I will start with this….the church that I grew up in, a mainstream protestant church that was founded during the Land Run of 1893, has recently split up. Â It seems to me that thoughtful and open religious dialogue could have at the very least contributed to preventing this split. The second reason is that I have personally been inspired by some of the religious dialogue taking place in the blogosphere. Â I encourage my readers to be open, be mindful and particularly be thoughtful (not just the Oklahoma thoughtful as in courteous but also showing careful consideration) while discerning these issues. Â I also encourage my readers to not be afraid of the words you do not understand or even those that make you cringe. Â Redemption, theology, hope, God, Jesus, affirming, reconciling…..these are not words for the uber-educated or people sitting on one side of the argument. Â These are tools for all of us to use in dialogue about faith.
My commitment to you is that I will post your comments and respond promptly to all comments that involve this type of dialogue.
Here are a few blogs that I love to read…..I do not necessarily agree with everything all of them say, but I will say……they are THOUGHTFUL. Â These blogs are in no particular order a little United Methodist, a touch of Baptist, some Congregationalist and a splash of Atheist and a dusting of everything in between. Â Be sure to check out the comments of each post….most are really great examples of good dialogue.
What are your thoughts and experiences with religious dialogue? Â Are there any great blogs regarding this topic that I have not listed? Â You want to be a part of the discussion?!?! Â Here is your chance!
The opposite of war isn’t peace…..It’s Creation!!!
I have been quiet around R&TM lately. Â I hate that. Â Sitting here at my keyboard is as therapeutic for me as I imagine the piano is for many musicians. Â I write, I edit, I design, I compile…it doesn’t matter what it is, I love it and it gives me so much peace. Â I love the line from Rent,
“The opposite of war isn’t peace….its creation!” Â –La Boheme
This line applies to so many things, but in my attempt to find peace through the life changes of parenthood and losing my mother….it has really resonated with me.
So, although I have been quiet on the blog, I have been creating. Â Here are a few sneak peeks….
I designed this based on the Rube Goldburg Machine to be part of the invitation to Little Guy’s 5th Birthday Party…..the Invention Convention.
A hat for my niece….Tinkerbell
I have been taking a lot of pictures with my iPhone. Â I realize that I always have it with me and when I use the filters on Hipstamatic I can “create” almost anywhere.
1. Old Tree FPC Enid, 2. First Presbyterian Church, Enid, Oklahoma, 3. Enid High Football Stadium, 4. Fall Leaves, 5. One of my favorite times of the year to live on this street., 6. Front following me home from NM, 7. I love this sign!, 8. NM telling us goodbye on the morning we left., 9. Winter coming in over Hermit’s Peak
I have done my share of making things….a lot for Christmas, but quite a bit of other things too. Â I am most proud of the Spy vs. Spy costumes I made for the boys on Big Guy’s Request. Â They are my favorite Halloween Costumes yet and the only ones I have made.
1. Christmas Surprise, 2. Take to on a Favorite!, 3. More Christmas Surprise, 4. Scarf for Emerson School Sale, 5. Spy vs. Spy Costumes for Halloween, 6. My KNITWitch Costume, 7. Spy v. Spy process, 8. Scarf for Arabella in NM, 9. Pixie Hat for Lucye Bird
Finally, I have had the opportunity lately to admire so many other peoples creations and their process. Â I think it is contagious! Â 
1. Burritos from Arabella in NM, 2. JD Creating…or trying to!, 3. Adam’s Creation, 4. Adam’s Full Creation, 5. Nathan trying to build a “real robot”, 6. Yarn Bomb….Victory Ranch, NM, 7. Tosha made Pumpkin Bowling for Jack o Lympics, 8. Tosha Made food for Jack o Lympics, 9. Aunt Mimi Made the boys Witches Broom treat bags, 10. OKC Myriad Gardens Opening Weekend, 11. Uncle Devin created this amazing cake for my niece’s birthday., 12. Aunt Michelle created these awesome aprons for my niece’s birthday.
When I stop to realize that all of this has been going on in just the past 30 days, it is no wonder I have been quiet on R&TM. Â Now, I need to get back in the groove and create and post!!!
What have you created lately?
There are No Words
Today my mom would be 60 years old. Â There are no words to describe how much I wish I could tell her Happy Birthday and go to dinner with her, my sisters, our families and let her enjoy the evening with her grandchildren. Â I am not sure mom ever thought about what her 60th year would look like. Â It is one of those milestone years that seems so far away and then shows up on your front porch someday.
I spent Friday having lunch with one of mom’s friends. Â She talked about her 60th and all that has happened sense. Â I think mom would have liked it. Â She would tell me that she “feels” old but I know she would be beautiful….she always was. Â I wonder what she would think of having five grandchildren and if she would make it to all of their sporting events, school assemblies and family dinners. Â She would love that Tracy has mastered so many of her family recipes and laugh that no matter how hard I try I still can’t bake to save my life. Â And I know she would be amazed at the young woman her baby Mary has become. Â She would enjoy her sons in law as much or more than her daughters. Â I know she would be going nuts over the OU and OSU football seasons this year.
I don’t think I will ever get used to the idea of not having a mom. Â I will probably dream of her and have pretend conversations until I die. Â It is strange not to have anyone ask what we are doing for her birthday this year. Â I guess I would say I am looking through pictures because there are just no words.
Me and Mom 1978
Mom (and me on the far left) at the zoo for my 5th Birthday. Â She would have been about the age I am now.
This is my 7th birthday party….the Ladybug Luncheon that was the start of all of the crazy birthday traditions with my boys.
Mom holding me with my Paternal Grandmother and Great Grandmothers
Me and Mom with my Maternal Grandmother and Great Grandmother
A Holiday for ME….JOY!
I heard on the radio today that it is National Housewife Day. Â It made me laugh. Â I made the very difficult choice (for me, anyway) to stop working when I had my second baby. Â December 15, 2006 was my last day of work. Â I had a one day year old and a 16 month old. Â It was not exactly what I was expecting. Â I thought I would have so much time on my hands to keep my house perfect, meet all of my kids needs, be at the beckon call of any family and close friends that needed help during the week. Â I could be the ideal wife and start all sorts of new hobbies.
I know all of you older and wiser people are shaking your heads as you read this, but I honestly did think this was how life was going to be. Â I never liked the phrase stay-at-home mom and SAHM makes me crazy. Â I am not a housewife……or homemaker…..I am married to Law Man and I couldn’t keep a shoe box in immaculate order if my life depended on it, much less a home. Â A friend recently put it to me this way, “we stay home to raise spectacular people who will go into the world feeling loved and accepted for who they are.” Â This comes the closest to my feelings although this somewhat implies perfection and their is nothing about parenthood that is perfect. Â I never sat expected this to be the place my life would end up. Â I always thought I would work and have children. Â Back to my never say never disorder.
Things have changed so much since I stopped working….for money….it does not make me feel any better to call what I do now “my new work”. Â Because frankly, who is going to fire me? Â And there is, for sure, no one paying me? Â I get evaluated by everyone I meet, but it is not the same. Â More terrifying than the decision to stop working is the realization that someday I may reenter the workforce. Â Big things that have changed.
- There was no such thing as an iPhone…..imagine doing your job without a smart phone. Â There was definitely no iPad….that would have been awesome!
- DSLR cameras, as we know them, did not exist.
- TOM’S Shoes were just coming out.
- We still did not think we would have a black President of the United States of America.
- Unemployment has almost doubled.
