I have thought about this conversation countless times over the past week and it has helped me have a bit more perspective.  I do need to be nested.  I do not like change and I really do not like unanticipated change.  The primary result of my hysteria while looking for my nest has been little to no writing.  I know my blog posts have a tendency to often be few and far between, but my other writing has slowed to a near stand still as well.

Then, I was reading a blog post of a different friend who has decided to stop her frequent blogging because she felt like it was taking away too much from her children.  This got me thinking in a totally different way.  Maybe I should stop writing.  I do not want to do anything that would keep me from being the best mom that I can.  My conclusion was simple.  I am better when I write.  A better person, a better friend, a better wife and, most certainly, a better mom.

Writing has been an integral part of my life for as long as I can remember.  Whether it is letter writing, journaling (which I am really bad at), academic writing, blogging or working on something I hope to publish, it is cathartic in more ways than I can count.  My brain is alway racing…rarely am I only thinking about one thing and most of the time I am thinking about the taboo topics I have learned not to speak about with most company.  You know….the “religion and politics” type issues.  i.e. I am really bad at small talk.  It is only when I am writing can I focus my attention on one thing.

This is what I miss when I am not nested.  I miss the opportunities that I have to sit down and contemplate.  So, today, as I begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am looking forward to finding solace in my nest and letting my poor brain take a few minutes to unwind in the form of words on a page.

I vaguely remember my elementary school librarian reading us a book and discussing the “feminist implications” surrounding the story.  I had no idea what he was talking about but I absolutely loved the story.  The next time I was able to buy a book for our house, I picked the story of the five Easter Bunnies.  I read it over and over and never really thought about the “feminist implications” again.  I just imagined wearing those gold shoes and taking the special egg to the sick boy far away.  I am not sure what happened to that book.

Then, 20 years later, I discovered the book while I was looking for the perfect Easter Book for Big Guy.  The cover looked familiar and I sat down at the bookstore to refresh my memory.  There they were, on almost every page, feminist implications.  The importance of mothering and the kindness and wisdom that often only mothers of the most precocious children posses.  The story about teaching your children to be self-sufficient, work as a team, be kind to one another.  The story about beating the odds, and breaking through the stereotypes that the biggest and strongest are always the best.  It focuses on patience and courage and most of all compassion.

So, today, I was tutoring two little girls at the boy’s.  Two girls that struggled with reading and one hearing, as well.  Two girls who had just recently moved to the area from different edges of the state….one because her mom needed a better paying job.  I was ecstatic when one of the girls handed me the book with the familiar cover.  And, I had to.  I had to say at the end, this is a really old book, written a long time ago when women were not permitted to do really important jobs.  It has a lot of “feminist implications”.  They looked at me with the same blank stare I remember giving my librarian, but it is a seed.  Who knows where it will go.

This was so me when I was a child….really through college.

This was me when I re-discovered this book through now.  (I know I only have two, but most days it feels like twenty-one.)

I can only hope that when I have two grown boys I still have the kindness and wisdom and most of all courage for this phase of life.

The boys and I read this book every Easter and some times during other parts of the year.  I think it is important that they hear these stories too.  Stories that will help shape their views of their wives, their daughters and hopefully their mother.

Have you read The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes, by Du Bose Heyward?

Geesh!!  Where to start?  Things have been crazy and R&TM got put on the back burner yet again.  I cannot tell you how much I hate that, but since this is not my “paying” job, I guess it goes with the territory. 

Things are moving fast around here and I can’t wait to tell everyone what is going on, but I think it is best to hold out for a few more pieces to fall into place.  Two hints….never  say never and NO!  I am not having another baby.  That ship has sailed.

Meanwhile, the boys and I have gone on countless “adventures” as Little Guy likes to say.  The three of us drove out to Denver for Spring Break and we had an absolute blast.  We made it all the way there with ZERO wrestling matches and no bickering.  That is a huge improvement over our adventures with two in diapers, one nursing and the other constantly frustrated with communicating.  Not to mention, it was beautiful in Colorado.

Denver Highlights:

The boys scootered all over the place.  Our favorite was Washington Park where Little Guy would not stop tormenting the poor geese.

We met up with our friends Marci and Harper.  It was so good to see them and Harper kept saying my name.  (The last time I saw her she was still in a carrier.)

The boys love snow as much as I do.  This was more slush than snow, but we made snow angels and had snow ball(ish) fights.  Little Guy still can’t figure out why snow makes his hands cold.  Really?!?!  We spent all day at the Children’s Museum

The boys are designing parachutes and rockets to launch.

We pet the Stingrays at the Aquarium.

Then, on St. Patrick’s day we celebrated by waking up at 6am to make the parade downtown from 10-2 and then headed over to a party full of kids and corned beef and cabbage.

It was a great time to hang out with Aunt Charlene and meet and reconnect with some family.  It was a trip that we will never forget.  ***I am sad to say the bickering did resume and there were a couple of “moments” on the drive home.

Lucye’s Maternal Grandmother, Patti (Left) and Lucye’s Maternal Great Grandmother, Lucye (Right).

Lucye’s Mom, Tracy (Left) and Lucye Jane (Right).  Both about a year old.

Lucye’s Maternal Grandmother, Patti (right) and Lucye Jane (left).

Tracy and Lucye wearing the same handmade dress (left, Tracy 3 mos. right Lucye 9 mos.).

So, in honor of my Mother, my Grandmother Lucye and my niece Lucye’s birthday here is a brief story of a special recipe for you all to enjoy.

When we were growing up, my mom made us chicken noodle soup when we were not feeling well or when it was particularly cold and blustery outside.  In my mind, that was what Chicken Noodle Soup tasted like.  It seriously never occurred to me that there were other variations.  When I got married and later as I came to love cooking, I made several different chicken noodle recipes.  They were all great, but none of them looked or tasted at all like my mother’s.  In the craziness of the last few years of her life I never thought to ask her for that recipe.  After she died, I looked through all of her favorite cookbooks and still, nothing.  Finally I remembered the mushrooms she included.  So, the next time I made my soup, I added mushrooms.  No luck, it was not the same.  Then I saw in the store those frozen egg noodles and I remembered the package from my freezer as a child.  I added those and still, it was not quite right.  Fast forward a couple of years later and I was making something that included Dill….honestly, I have no recollection of what it was.  However, I vividly remember opening the lid of the steaming pot and smelling my mother’s chicken noodle soup.  It was the Dill.  I immediately rushed out and bought all of the other ingredients, prepared the soup and took a bite.  Voila.  Just like I remembered.  It is amazing how powerful the sense of smell can be.  Here is the recipe if you want to try it.

Ingredients

1 tablespoon butter

1/2 cup chopped onion

1/2 cup chopped celery

1 Pkg. Onion Soup Mix

12 Cups of Water

2 pounds Chicken (Boneless Skinless)

1 cup sliced carrots

8 oz. quartered baby portobello mushrooms (or a small pkg. of dehydrated shitake….follow directions on pkg. and include liquid and mushrooms)

1 1/2 teaspoon dried dill (sometimes I use a little more)

1/2 teaspoon dried basil

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano

salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

Boil Chicken in water and Pkg of Onion Soup Mix for one hour.

In a large pot over medium heat, melt butter. Cook onion and celery in butter until just tender, 5 minutes.

Combine all ingredients and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer 20 min before serving.

So, today when a good friend texted me to inform me that the old interstate would be open to walk and drive on this morning, I packed it up and headed off early for my meeting so I could check it out.  I have to admit, I felt a bit nostalgic to this old thing.  The highway that had led me to New Mexico so many times and the exit I always take reminding me that I am back home.  I thought of the numerous traffic jams and potholes that nearly ate my tires.  All and all, it was fun and a beautiful day for some pictures.  It was fun too look off the edge of the overpass at the ever changing OKC skyline.  Who knew a short portion of an interstate would evoke so many memories.

What stretch of highway makes you nostalgic?

A few comments that were lost in my blog craziness…

I made the paper!  We were the “and others” that were eating takeout on the bridge. Several people took our pictures.  I felt like an animal in the zoo. Look mom– someone is eating on the highway. — Laura

My kids remember (I hope) being passengers in the very first car that entered the Kilpatrick Turnpike.  I knew it was opening one early Sunday morning in 1991 (7 AM announced time).  I got the kids up at 6 AM and we drove to the Eastern entrance just in time for the guy in the orange jacket to move the barrier on the entrance ramp and wave us through (no toll that first day).  We drove the entire route of the Kilpatrick Turnpike (up and back) as the only car on that road. Lauren and John were non-plused, but their dad immensely enjoyed the historic trip.  Every time we drive on the Kilpatrick Turnpike I remind them–”We were the first!”  They roll their eyes–knowing that this too shall pass. — Steve

Things have been grey here at R&TM, but Big Guy and I had a great day on Sunday enjoying the beautiful weather.

It was the day of the Oscars and although I am not a huge fan of Award’s shows, I do love a good movie.  So, we went down to Oklahoma City’s Film Exchange District to check things out.  OKC Film Exchange is the district that began in the early 1900’s where theater owners went to lease or trade motion pictures for their movie houses.  The earliest Film Exchange arrived in Oklahoma City in 1907.  This area flourished through the fifties and sixties and then began to struggle in the seventies with the invention of the Video Tape.

This area became infested with drugs and prostitution in the nineties but is starting to comeback with the surge of energy being pumped into its surrounding areas, Downtown and Midtown.  It was fun to take Big Guy down and let him point out the Paramount Pictures Logo that still remains above its old entry.  He know immediately what it was and you would of thought we were walking down Hollywood Boulevard.

Business is starting to head back to this area.  Several creative firms have moved along the row and the famous Joey’s Pizzaria and IAO Gallery have recently joined the area.  More businesses are expected to follow in the coming months.

Here are just a few of the pictures we took as we walked the streets.

Well folks, today was a bad day.  All was well until I decided to “fix” what I thought was a small situation on my hosting service that was causing my website to be slow.  One hour later I had completely deleted EVERYTHING.  No problem, right….I backed it up.  Nope….somehow it did not back up correctly.

I have tried everything, talked to several nice people at GoDaddy and wracked my brain.  The best I could do was recover content up until about a year ago.  I was not able to save any of the formatting.  Better than nothing I suppose.

I have a lot of work to do to get things back in order, so my faithful….hang in there and I will get things back to normal.  Until then, if you notice something weird or clearly wrong on my site, feel free to comment and let me know.

I did laugh out loud when I read the last post that was recovered.  ”You boast incredible willpower and are capable of overcoming obstacles that would normally leave others shaking in their boots.  I am going to consider this one of those obstacles.

Truth be told I did almost call this happy place quits.  The end of an era.  But then I realized how much of a part of my life you all have become.

And yes, this is my dog chasing my car home.  We have a much better relationship now that I let her have a daily jaunt around the block…..it is ruining my relationship with some neighbors I am sure…but you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.  

Writers Block.  It makes me crazy.  It is particularly difficult when you write about something as general as life.  How can nothing in my life be exciting or beautiful or infuriating?  I have sat at my computer and gone out with my camera and nothing….seriously, nothing.  Not a single photo made or word written.  Pathetic.  Then the cycle starts, I should just quit, I could use my time so much more productivly volunteering or deep cleaning my house, organizing our countless junk drawers…next, wait for it, I need to go back to work.  If I had a job, I would never have to deal with “how am I going to be productive today, it would be great, someone would tell me what to do and I would just do it.”  It is about this time in the process that I see the pattern and the ridiculous nature of my insanity.  Finally, I turn that last corner and I realize I just have to bust through and keep going.

::Confession Alert….sometimes I even find myself not wanting to read other peoples writing; books, blogs, Twitter feeds because it is just irritating that they are not participating in this jaunt around the block that I am.  I want to grab them by the arm and force them to acknowledge that art for the sake of art, writing for the sake of writing, living for the sake of living is just a huge exercise in hubris.

Today, I did it, I flipped through a couple of blogs that I follow and there it was.  Two of my comrades were dealing with this horrible block too.  And that was all it took, I am back seeing the beauty around me and even able to put some irritations into a complete thought.  Hopefully this means I am back….again.  Now, the weekend and I put on my full time wife and mother hat.  At least I will have something to write about next week.

Jan has two boys, 4 (almost 5) grandchildren, 13 nieces and nephews, upwards of 15 great nieces and nephews and two daughters in law (neither of which still have their mothers living.)  As you can see…she has been the Mom of quite a crew over the past 60 years and does not look a day over 40.

Grandma Jan, as the grandkids call her, is always baking, decorating, finding a special gift or hunting down a special recipe or family heirloom to make celebrations special.  So, for her birthday this year we decided to surprise her with a party that highlighted all that endears her to us.  It was complete with entertainment, a family photo book/cook book, photo booth, vintage linens, 10 different pies from Pie Junkie, her grandmother’s spaghetti recipe and friends and family from all over.  I hope she had as much fun at the party as we did throwing it. Thanks to everyone who pitched in …. Michelle, Aunt Linda, Christy (photographer) and everyone for coming.