Read and Tell Me

In with the New

By admin | Published: January 4, 2012

Yesterday I told you about the project that I finished up to say good-bye to 2011. The best thing about that is saying hello to my first project of 2012. Of course, it is knitting. But, it is proving to be a bit of a challenge.

I suppose there are some knitters out there who just find a project and start on it, but most of mine have a long history before the yarn is even cast on. Like Shrek….I guess I am kind of like an onion and so goes my knitting process.

A year or more ago, a good friend took a trip to Portland for a wedding. Unable to help myself, I said, “if you see a yarn shop, pick me up some yarn.”

As the story goes, they hunted down an little independent yarn store and asked for a little help. I am not sure what they told the salesperson but they found the perfect gift for me! It is this gorgeous yellow, grey, brown and white variegated cotton/wool mix. AND to sweeten the deal and assure my devoted friendship forever, they bought me a pattern for a lace wrap and enough yarn to complete the project. **Just in case you ever need to get my “friends forever” status buy me a pattern and the yarn to complete it. I digress.

I have been swooning over this yarn and project ever since. “Why then did it sit in its beautiful skeins for over a year,” you ask.

Because, I have guilt issues. Guilt that this was too nice of a gift to utilize until I return the favor. Guilt that the yarn is so beautiful and I might ruin it if I mess up the pattern. Guilt that I really promised so and so that I would knit/or do such and such. Guilt that I will have to periodically ignore Law Man when the lace pattern changes or I miss a YO. Guilt that I really can’t knit other things when I knit lace. **note to non-knitters…I have a one track mind and lace is just something you can’t cheat on. Like I said, I have guilt issues….don’t even ask about my obsession with what to do with all of the left over cardboard from Christmas. It almost ended in divorce. But, in case you have guilt issues too, Goodwill recycles cardboard, any kind of cardboard. !!!

So, I figure, what better way to start off the new year than beginning a project that is just for me, just because I can. New Year’s Day 2012 I cast on and I have no idea when I will finish it since I have had to start over three times already. But, I will not feel guilty I will just lust over this beautiful yarn until it becomes my beautiful wrap.

Oh, and see the red yarn through the piece. That is not part of the final project it is a “lifeline”. This is a new thing for me too. I always say I will use one, but I never do. So, here’s to a New Year, New Beginnings and recognizing that a little help never hurt anyone!

Posted in From the Studio, Inspiration, Knitting, WIP | 1 Comment

Out with the Old

By admin | Published: January 3, 2012

Amy at the CMP gave me this idea a few years ago. I thought it sounded like a keeper, but at that time I had two very little boys and taking time when they were with me was not a possibility. Now, they are 5 and 6 and things are better….a little….:)!

The idea was to finish a project and start a new one on New Year’s Eve/Day. Knitting is my go to craft and my obsession. Then I had to decide what to finish. That was easy, the hat for my sweet nephew, Jude. He was the lucky recipient of the unfinished handmade Christmas gift this year. If you do handmade Christmas gifts, you know what I am talking about. Two nights before Christmas Eve I was down to his hat and it was essentially finished. Simple stockinette with a seed stitch edging. Then that little word that makes me shy away from this type of pattern. Kitchener. For you non-knitters, this is basically hand sewing, which I don’t do. Hand sewing in a way that makes the stitches look knitted. Now, I can knit most anything, but sew. I am terrible. Back to two nights before Christmas Eve….I was pulling my hair out and my living room look like it had been yarn bombed. I had reknit the hat twice just to get it “set up” properly my phone and ipad were streaming how-to videos and tutorials. The two colors were all tangled up and I had used three different sizes of needles to help with the several attempts to salvage what I had thus far. The children were ignored, Law Man was snapped at and dinner was neglected. Finally, I surrendered, left the mess strewn about the sofa and rug and stomped off to bed. The next morning, December 23, I woke up, made breakfast and sat on the couch next to my yarn. I regained my composure and *it* came to me. I gathered things up and stuffed them into the ottoman and went on with Christmas preparations…mind you I was hosting 12 people the next day, roasting a rack of lamb for the first time and trying to make my house look like a family Christmas celebration straight out of Norman Rockwell painting.

Fast forward 30 minutes or so, Law Man calls and anxiously asks, “How are things going.”

“Great. I decided to finish the hat after Christmas.”

With a sigh of relief, he had the nerve to try to convince me to give my nephew the hat as is, with the promise of finishing it. But I did have some pride left and a knotted up mess of yarn that didn’t even resemble a hat was not going to leave the depths of the ottoman until after Christmas.

So, here lies the perfect project to finish and I would learn a new technique to boot.

Voila!!!! It turned out great! I can’t wait to give it to him. Happy New Year!

Posted in From the Studio, Inspiration, Knitting, Sewing | 2 Comments

Happy New Year’s Eve

By admin | Published: December 31, 2011

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Healing

By admin | Published: December 30, 2011

Things have been very quiet here on R&TM. This, again, was unintentional. This time it lasted longer than usual and there have been times that I wondered if I would leave things this way. This blog has become sacred space for me. A place where I can be me…the me that loves to create but also is in constant battle with myself about what I can do to make myself whole again after losing myself in my mothers illness. I was sad to see it come to an end, but what has always come as a natural longing to write in a public forum seemed to be gone.

Today it hit me. I haven’t been silent here because I had given up. I was silent here because I have been healing. Opportunities have arisen as catalysts to facing things and people that I was afraid to confront. This is difficult in the midst of raising two little boys. They have needs that only I can meet and the older and more active they become, the more demanding they can be. Needless to say, this does not lend itself to fertile soil to confront this emotional *stuff*. Know thy self, is a phrase that I often meditate upon. And, knowing myself has kept me keenly aware that I do need to confront these shadows that have remained in the wake of my mother’s death. So, I persevered and moved toward them instead of away. The dilemma was that every step forward seemed to lead to two steps back. The more forgiveness I felt the more I missed my mom. The more relationships I fostered in her memory the more I just wanted her back instead. It was in this process that the giant weight fell on me. The last couple of years of her life I felt a constant sense that her not being here would be better than the pain she was causing. The boulder that fell on me was that no, it is not. I wish she were here. Sure I wish she had found a place to be whole, but either way, I just want to hear her voice and tell her about my kids.

This is where I spent the holidays. I wrestled with this truth and the more I wanted to tuck it away and “just enjoy the time with the family I had left” I kept it in my heart and on my mind. Now, as the dust is settling from the season, I can see that the steps that I felt were going backward were tiny and the steps forward are leading me through this darkness and I am healing.

So, it looks like I am back. Back to share the magic of Christmas that we experienced here with my mom’s presence and memories. Here to remind everyone to continue creating your own beauty and make space for the simple things in life. My word this year,

healing |ˈhēliNG| noun

the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again: the gift of healing.

Posted in Mom, Not Just A Word | 1 Comment

Infinite Thanksgiving

By admin | Published: November 21, 2011

Seven years ago today I sat staring out the window thinking that I would never have a baby. We had been through months of infertility and I was losing my mind on Clomid. Fast forward…..two days later, Thanksgiving. I found out I would be a mom. That was a day of infinite thanksgiving. Ten months later, Big Guy was born and 16 months after that, Little Guy. Thanksgiving marks for me what I am most thankful for…..my sweet boys.

So, why this year, am I feeling more like the old Smashing Pumpkins album, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Saddness? Thoughts of my mom and my family that haunt me when I am awake and while I am sleeping. This is year 3 of holidays since mom died and the world keeps spinning, but I feel very stuck. Stuck in grief and “what if’s”. It is so easy to fantasize of how great the holidays would be, “if only……” My boys, all three of them, are so excited about all of our plans. The lights, the decorating, the tree, the food. The boys really believe it will snow this year. Bless their hearts. We have had snow three of the past six Christmas’ here in Oklahoma. That is about how many we had during my entire childhood and they are predicting a very dry winter.

This season of infinite saddness will end, I know it will. Infinite Thanksgiving will return. Until then….

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
–Maya Angelou

Posted in Mom | 1 Comment

You Want to Discuss Religion….I am not afraid!

By admin | Published: November 15, 2011

My educational background is in Religion. I came to this in a fairly roundabout way, but all and all, it has become my passion. I have a ridiculous collection of books….everything from classic theologians to much more modern ways of viewing the church and specifically mission. I run not to music but to religious dialogue.

I have chosen not to focus on this part of my life here at R&TM. I created this blog to be a place of peace and inspiration and here in Oklahoma….seemingly the Buckle of the Bible Belt….religion is not necessarily a topic of peace and inspiration especially when you “lean left” as I have often been accused of doing. Religious dialogue will not become to focus of R&TM, but I am going to be more intentional about drawing attention to some really spectacular dialogue that is taking place. In the process you will probably notice more theological terms and ideas laid out and discussed.

Why the change?, you might ask. The answer is complicated but I will start with this….the church that I grew up in, a mainstream protestant church that was founded during the Land Run of 1893, has recently split up. It seems to me that thoughtful and open religious dialogue could have at the very least contributed to preventing this split. The second reason is that I have personally been inspired by some of the religious dialogue taking place in the blogosphere. I encourage my readers to be open, be mindful and particularly be thoughtful (not just the Oklahoma thoughtful as in courteous but also showing careful consideration) while discerning these issues. I also encourage my readers to not be afraid of the words you do not understand or even those that make you cringe. Redemption, theology, hope, God, Jesus, affirming, reconciling…..these are not words for the uber-educated or people sitting on one side of the argument. These are tools for all of us to use in dialogue about faith.

My commitment to you is that I will post your comments and respond promptly to all comments that involve this type of dialogue.

Here are a few blogs that I love to read…..I do not necessarily agree with everything all of them say, but I will say……they are THOUGHTFUL. These blogs are in no particular order a little United Methodist, a touch of Baptist, some Congregationalist and a splash of Atheist and a dusting of everything in between. Be sure to check out the comments of each post….most are really great examples of good dialogue.

What are your thoughts and experiences with religious dialogue? Are there any great blogs regarding this topic that I have not listed? You want to be a part of the discussion?!?! Here is your chance!

Posted in Religious Dialogue | 3 Comments

The opposite of war isn’t peace…..It’s Creation!!!

By admin | Published: November 14, 2011

I have been quiet around R&TM lately. I hate that. Sitting here at my keyboard is as therapeutic for me as I imagine the piano is for many musicians. I write, I edit, I design, I compile…it doesn’t matter what it is, I love it and it gives me so much peace. I love the line from Rent,

“The opposite of war isn’t peace….its creation!” –La Boheme

This line applies to so many things, but in my attempt to find peace through the life changes of parenthood and losing my mother….it has really resonated with me.

So, although I have been quiet on the blog, I have been creating. Here are a few sneak peeks….

I designed this based on the Rube Goldburg Machine to be part of the invitation to Little Guy’s 5th Birthday Party…..the Invention Convention.

A hat for my niece….Tinkerbell

I have been taking a lot of pictures with my iPhone. I realize that I always have it with me and when I use the filters on Hipstamatic I can “create” almost anywhere.

1. Old Tree FPC Enid, 2. First Presbyterian Church, Enid, Oklahoma, 3. Enid High Football Stadium, 4. Fall Leaves, 5. One of my favorite times of the year to live on this street., 6. Front following me home from NM, 7. I love this sign!, 8. NM telling us goodbye on the morning we left., 9. Winter coming in over Hermit’s Peak

I have done my share of making things….a lot for Christmas, but quite a bit of other things too. I am most proud of the Spy vs. Spy costumes I made for the boys on Big Guy’s Request. They are my favorite Halloween Costumes yet and the only ones I have made.

1. Christmas Surprise, 2. Take to on a Favorite!, 3. More Christmas Surprise, 4. Scarf for Emerson School Sale, 5. Spy vs. Spy Costumes for Halloween, 6. My KNITWitch Costume, 7. Spy v. Spy process, 8. Scarf for Arabella in NM, 9. Pixie Hat for Lucye Bird

Finally, I have had the opportunity lately to admire so many other peoples creations and their process. I think it is contagious!

1. Burritos from Arabella in NM, 2. JD Creating…or trying to!, 3. Adam’s Creation, 4. Adam’s Full Creation, 5. Nathan trying to build a “real robot”, 6. Yarn Bomb….Victory Ranch, NM, 7. Tosha made Pumpkin Bowling for Jack o Lympics, 8. Tosha Made food for Jack o Lympics, 9. Aunt Mimi Made the boys Witches Broom treat bags, 10. OKC Myriad Gardens Opening Weekend, 11. Uncle Devin created this amazing cake for my niece’s birthday., 12. Aunt Michelle created these awesome aprons for my niece’s birthday.

When I stop to realize that all of this has been going on in just the past 30 days, it is no wonder I have been quiet on R&TM. Now, I need to get back in the groove and create and post!!!

What have you created lately?

Posted in From the Studio, I *heart* This, Inspiration, Sewing | 1 Comment

There are No Words

By admin | Published: November 13, 2011

Today my mom would be 60 years old. There are no words to describe how much I wish I could tell her Happy Birthday and go to dinner with her, my sisters, our families and let her enjoy the evening with her grandchildren. I am not sure mom ever thought about what her 60th year would look like. It is one of those milestone years that seems so far away and then shows up on your front porch someday.

I spent Friday having lunch with one of mom’s friends. She talked about her 60th and all that has happened sense. I think mom would have liked it. She would tell me that she “feels” old but I know she would be beautiful….she always was. I wonder what she would think of having five grandchildren and if she would make it to all of their sporting events, school assemblies and family dinners. She would love that Tracy has mastered so many of her family recipes and laugh that no matter how hard I try I still can’t bake to save my life. And I know she would be amazed at the young woman her baby Mary has become. She would enjoy her sons in law as much or more than her daughters. I know she would be going nuts over the OU and OSU football seasons this year.

I don’t think I will ever get used to the idea of not having a mom. I will probably dream of her and have pretend conversations until I die. It is strange not to have anyone ask what we are doing for her birthday this year. I guess I would say I am looking through pictures because there are just no words.

Me and Mom 1978

Mom (and me on the far left) at the zoo for my 5th Birthday. She would have been about the age I am now.

This is my 7th birthday party….the Ladybug Luncheon that was the start of all of the crazy birthday traditions with my boys.

Mom holding me with my Paternal Grandmother and Great Grandmothers

Me and Mom with my Maternal Grandmother and Great Grandmother

Posted in Mom | 5 Comments

A Holiday for ME….JOY!

By admin | Published: November 3, 2011

I heard on the radio today that it is National Housewife Day. It made me laugh. I made the very difficult choice (for me, anyway) to stop working when I had my second baby. December 15, 2006 was my last day of work. I had a one day year old and a 16 month old. It was not exactly what I was expecting. I thought I would have so much time on my hands to keep my house perfect, meet all of my kids needs, be at the beckon call of any family and close friends that needed help during the week. I could be the ideal wife and start all sorts of new hobbies.

I know all of you older and wiser people are shaking your heads as you read this, but I honestly did think this was how life was going to be. I never liked the phrase stay-at-home mom and SAHM makes me crazy. I am not a housewife……or homemaker…..I am married to Law Man and I couldn’t keep a shoe box in immaculate order if my life depended on it, much less a home. A friend recently put it to me this way, “we stay home to raise spectacular people who will go into the world feeling loved and accepted for who they are.” This comes the closest to my feelings although this somewhat implies perfection and their is nothing about parenthood that is perfect. I never sat expected this to be the place my life would end up. I always thought I would work and have children. Back to my never say never disorder.

Things have changed so much since I stopped working….for money….it does not make me feel any better to call what I do now “my new work”. Because frankly, who is going to fire me? And there is, for sure, no one paying me? I get evaluated by everyone I meet, but it is not the same. More terrifying than the decision to stop working is the realization that someday I may reenter the workforce. Big things that have changed.

There was no such thing as an iPhone…..imagine doing your job without a smart phone. There was definitely no iPad….that would have been awesome!
DSLR cameras, as we know them, did not exist.
TOM’S Shoes were just coming out.
We still did not think we would have a black President of the United States of America.
Unemployment has almost doubled.

Most of these are popular changes, but I would bore you to tears with all of the changes to my past profession…..and, frankly, I have been so out of the loop, I can only guess what they are.

Needless to say, when I think about going back to work it is a little scary. I generally love my life. Although it keeps me more busy than I prefer, I try really hard to balance things between being a wife, a mother, a friend, a sister and a want to be artist and writer.

The one thing that I have learned in the last 5 years is that people come into this role for different reasons and have very different experiences throughout. It has helped me to become self-motivated (it would be very easy to lounge around in all of my alone time), I can sufficiently entertain myself, I am more self-relient than I ever knew and those Angels……I love my Angels.

So, to all of you out there enjoying the bonbons like I am, Happy Housewife Day!

Posted in The Kiddo's | 1 Comment

The Time is Now

By admin | Published: October 12, 2011

When we got married eleven years ago, I said, “I will never live in Oklahoma City.” What did I tell you, this is a chronic problem for me. Law Man and I were going somewhere exciting. We wanted to meet new people and have new experiences. I dreamed of a urban area where everyone we knew lived centrally, neighbors were a mix of artists and professionals and culture that went beyond the annual Nutcracker Ballet. He dreamed of professional athletic teams, world class sports and urban adventure.

Yay!!! We did it. We have all of these things and more and yes, we do live in Oklahoma City. We spend Friday nights at one of the Art Districts monthly events or dining at one of our favorite local restaurants. The kids love to scooter down by the Oklahoma River and we all love to wander around the Myriad Gardens. Twenty third street is unrecognizable. I remember when we laughed at the idea of outside eating feet from the busy street with almost constant sirens. Now, take your pick…..a Mary Poppins at Cuppies and Joe, the Rancher at Big Truck Tacos, a bacon wrapped dog from Mutts Amazing Hot Dogs or the classic Tucker’s onion burger. Oh yes….and we have a brewery and Coop Ale Works is an awesome one!!! Now, if only they would brew me a Pumpkin Ale, life would be perfect.

This weekend is the bookend two of the most amazing weekends we have here in Oklahoma City. I have posted in the past the excitement that makes up OKC the last week of April. Now, we have the second weekend in October. There is so much going on I will list out my favs at the end of the post. But, the one thing that these two special weekends have in common are the Myriad Gardens.

If you visit R&TM often, you know I have a crazy love affair with public places. Remember, last year my excitement led me to throw a 100th Birthday celebration for the park down the street.

The concept for the downtown gardens developed in 1964 when Dean McGee initiated a revitalization plan for the downtown area. The 17 acres was purchased in 1975 over the next 10 years the project, including the Botanical Gardens, came to fruition as money became available. Since then, things have been rough. Remember the Banking Crisis of the 1980′s and the Oil Bust of the 1990′s? The Garden took a hit like the rest of the state, but thanks to many generous people, they were able to maintain with fairly mild wear and tear.

In the past several years as Oklahoma City leaders have looked to again revitalize our city, the remaining 15 acres of the Myriad Gardens was included in the plan. This weekend will be the grand opening, the Festival on the Green as it has become known. There is now a dog park, several stages including a remodeled water stage, a children’s area and hope of a restaurant….have you seen Mr. Popper’s Penguins???? You get the idea. LOVE IT!!! The boys and I are beyond excited for the opening and I assume you know where I will be a good part of Saturday and I will have my camera.

Lawn before the renovation…..Arts Festival 2009, I think.